


Redamancy

by somethingfullofangst (sram)



Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Bad Smut, Celebrity Crush, Changkyun is a shy bunny, Changkyun is a teacher, Hoseok does put Changkyun on a leash, Hoseok wants to put him on a leash, Kink, M/M, Mentioned BTS members, Photography, Quick Romance, Shin Hoseok | Wonho is a Softie, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, bottom changkyun, cliche romance, fashion - Freeform, monsta x - Freeform, short but sweet, social rejection as a plot device, temporary job
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sram/pseuds/somethingfullofangst
Summary: "Redamancy"A love returned in full; an act of loving the one who loves you. The act of loving in return.Changkyun has never loved anyone before. Doesn't even know what it should feel like when he's staring a man in the face, whose smile makes him flutter and fills his chest with agonizing pain. Whose absence is comparable to stepping on a lego in the dark.Changkyun doesn't know what love is until love smacks him in the face. It's unexpectedly the worst disease he's ever wondered about catching.The first day of his temporary summer job, he catches a whiff of it. He catches the 'love'





	1. 1. The Temp Job From Hell

The Temp Job From Hell.

CHANGKYUN is applying at one of those strange temp places for the summer to make extra money while his teaching job is on hold. He applied early May so the jobs would be available the first-day school let out since the only other plans he had for summer was to lay around in bed every day and gain weight from eating too much, and re-emerge August 9th a pale chubby, ghostly version of his previous self. The place is massive and located next to a Hobby Lobby. The lights are blaring and the air conditioning works great.

But it's strange in the sense that there are rows upon rows upon rows of cubicles. In both ears there are interviews being conducted around him. People are submitting their resume or having a photo taken or signing off on some documents for their new temporary employment. Everyone moves in and out so quickly it seems well planned and too robotic for it to be real. Even the lady that helps Changkyun finalize his employment has a grin that stretches over her gums and reveal her pearly teeth. Are the employee's temp workers? Is working in a temp office a career?

He hadn’t expected though, on the last day of school, May 23rd, a big brand company came looking for interns that wanted someone with his specific set of skills to work with them, though his set of skills involve calming tantrums and making silly faces.

It has one of those odd names that you see in the entertainment news on TV (Chae’s Independent) but can never pronounce, because the upper-class pronounce it like Shah’s and the people who don't care just say Shay’s and keep it moving. They're sponsored by a bunch of celebrities that they regularly do wardrobe/hair/makeup for. Changkyun can't understand for the life of him why such a fashionable company would want to recruit him, even if just for the summer.

For the love of god, Changkyun wears socks and crocs, and suspenders on jeans. It's not even hipster. it's just ugly.

But still, the pay is decent so he'll just have to fake it till he makes it. On May 28th he's up bright and early at his best friend Kihyun’s apartment in the sunny downtown area he hates the most because there are more eyes judging his choice of outfit. His first day officially begins on the 1st of June but he'd rather be prepared than to show up wearing sandals and khaki shorts and ruin the whole thing.

Kihyun greets him with a sleepy grumble of “Good morning.” followed by a sudden wide awake shriek of “Sweet baby Jesus!”

“You're not even religious, why would you say the Lord's name in vain?” Changkyun pokes his lips out in an adorable pout and then smoothes the wrinkles of his short-sleeved plaid shirt.

“I don't have to be religious to know when I see an abomination that it's an abomination. Your shorts match your shirt!” Kihyun’s face is balled up and he sobs dryly like he is in genuine pain at just the sight of Changkyun's matching fleece pajama set. His ruby dyed hair sticks out in wild directions like branches on a tree.

Changkyun shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “I got them on sale. It's a pajama set.”

“Unless they were on sale in the one digit zone, you should've never even thought twice about it. And you had the nerve to show up at my house looking like a giant Christmas gift. The shame.”

Changkyun sulks in behind him, mumbling they costed 38$ and were marked down to 15$. He has been friends with Kihyun for a little over seven years, that's enough time to realize whether or not you like someone, yet Changkyun is always sitting on the fence with this one. More often than not it feels like Kihyun is only friends with him to insult him, find all of his weaknesses, and destroy him. But then there are the good times. The ‘Real Friends’ times when he's sobbing his eyes out on his bathroom floor because his dog died and Kihyun is the only friend that doesn't miraculously have other plans when he wails into the phone and is there in less than twenty minutes holding him the entire time telling him it's okay to be upset.

Then there are times where Kihyun invokes the name of the holy ghost when Changkyun wears socks with his slide sandals or knit sweaters over his dress shirts, and on the rare occasions it's just that the patterns are ‘horrendously clashing’.

They've had their ups and downs like any good friends should have, and that's all that counts. While they both branched off in their careers and life after school, Changkyun to be surrounded by the less judgemental eyes of grade schoolers, and Kihyun to do whatever it is he does overnight that he thinks Changkyun is too innocent to know of.

It's still too hard for Changkyun to believe his best friend is a janitor at their local farmers market. The place closes at 8:00 PM and Kihyun leaves every night around 10:00 PM wearing baggy jumpsuits and hoodies zipped up to the neck, despite having an expensive wardrobe consisting of two walk-in closets and all the brands under the sun.

It pays the bills, whatever it is. Maybe it's a secret fight club or something. Changkyun learned he doesn't have the right to ask unless it directly affects him.

Changkyun starts his first day wearing an outfit Kihyun picked out for him. In total, Kihyun laid out 28 outfits that he explained in excruciating detail on how to mix and accessorize, but because Changkyun had dazed off like three minutes into the conversation all he remembers is not to mix any patterns or colors with great contrast. So his first day is a simple white shirt and black jeans. Maybe he'll just re-wash and recycle this one outfit until August blows in. Kihyun’s clothes fit him like a second layer of skin because he'd already started his summer eating on top of already being much beefier than his frail friend.

He takes a deep breath and then walks into the thirteen story Chae’s building which is coincidentally six or seven minutes from Kihyun’s place by foot, but twenty by car when you’re stuck in traffic.

The moment he enters the doors he catches a headache and wants to faint. Everyone is so well dressed that he sticks out like a sore thumb. He can smell the failure in his cologne, they probably can too, in their fancy slacks and pressed neat shirts, vests, and blazers.

There are two teenage girls near the reception desk texting on their phones, wearing short skirts with their hairless legs on display. Their hair is long and both have dyed tips, one of them being green and the other blonde. They don't acknowledge Changkyun when he enters, or when he clambers up to the desk weighed down by his embarrassment and faltering confidence. Nobody acknowledges him.

A short lady with her bangs clipped away from her face zooms past him, throwing her hands up and flailing a bunch of paper into the air. She loses her grip on a few that go spiraling to the floor, and Changkyun wants to hide his face anyway so he bends down and starts picking it up for her. When he whips back up he almosts smacks her in the face, which earns him a well-deserved scowl.

“Ah! Shoot! I'm so sorry! I'm just in a rush because I have to meet some lanky temp agents in about ten minutes!” she apologizes profusely before Changkyun can launch his assault ‘sorry’ grenades into her face. He's so taken aback that she apologized first that it takes him a few quiet seconds to realize he's around ten minutes early.

“Um, Ma'am, I'm so sorry…” Changkyun begins with his ever-tiring apology, biting his lip. “Are you supposed to meet one Lim Changkyun here, at eleven on the dot?” he's asking this, but his eyes catch sight of his photo on a portfolio in his hands amongst all the other papers he's clutching onto, trying to pass back to her.

“Huh. Hell if I know. All of these temps have the same face to me. Can't wait until the summer rush is over so I can stop pretending to remember their names or like them.” she snatches the papers and fumbles around with a set of keys before she runs off again.

Ten minutes later, she comes back into the lobby with a set of lanyards attached to photo ID’s around her arm and smiles as she approaches him and a dozen other temps who are definitely better dressed than him. He doesn't ever wear a suit jacket unless he's going to a funeral or his mom is forcing him to attend the neighborhood Bible study just to show their neighbors he's still alive.

The girl smiles and stares straight past all of them at undefined spots on the walls beside their heads before she leads them all to the fourth floor to a sketchy room with a door plate that reads BRIEFING in rhinestone letters. She seems to take extra careful steps in avoiding Changkyun at all costs.

“Hi. I'm Ariel, the hiring manager. I'll be working really hard to get you guys set up these first few days and dividing you up with more experienced designers.” Ariel addresses the temps with an obviously forced smile that makes Changkyun cringe. “We want you guys to be the most comfortable so we'll be testing you to see where you excel. As you all should know, we work closely with a hefty amount of celebrities and manage their wardrobe and their makeup and etcetera. We're essentially their assistants.”

One of the other temps, wearing the most sweltering (in appearance) turtleneck Changkyun has ever seen in his odd 23 years of life speaks up. “If we're assistants, does that mean we have to run errands, like get their dry cleaning and order their lunches slash coffees?”

“Yes. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Especially because you're temps, it's gonna be on the same level as frat hazing!” Ariel answers with a huff and for once a genuine smile like she's happy with the result. One of the other temps, a pretty dimpled girl with long copper hair curled at the ends; stands and discards her newly given photographic ID onto the table. “Yeah no, I've got kids.” and she leaves so abruptly that nobody even caught her name to begin with, as is the situation with all other temps. Ariel’s smile grows, almost with every amount of suffering she witness with her own eyes. She's enjoying the pain she's causing, that's for certain.

“Most nights you'll sleep only if they allow you to sleep. You'll only eat if their backs are turned. You will only be able to return to your house when they signature in your company-given notebook what time they relieved you.” Ariel sighs, stars sparkling in her vision.

“Wait what? We don't get to sleep unless they let us?” one of the temps looks highly skeptical of the aforementioned working conditions, but Changkyun can see the gears turning in the guys head. The pay is too great to ignore. They're all making a set salary of 600$ a week, even if they're only scheduled to work two to three days that week.

“You all were chosen for this! Some of you are a healthy weight, for now. You've got what it takes to handle these long brutal summer days! This is a special position we wouldn't put just any old body in.” Ariel explains cheerfully, with this sort of odd foreshadowing that makes Changkyun think he's going to lose a great deal of his summer blubber before school starts back.

“I'm not too sure I want to throw away my freedom for six-hundred….” one girl is whispering almost to herself, while the girl next to her stomps her under the table and basically yells they're both still in college and need the money. Changkyun somewhat agrees with the first one until he remembers all the insane amount of bills that pile up over the summer. The light bill because the air conditioning and the TV is always on, the internet bill because he cut-the-cord months ago and sticks to subscriber based entertainment, and the water bill because he has to take two showers a day to wash away the filth because the air conditioning is about as good as having a toddler spit in your face after drinking cold water.

Ariel’s gums show when she stretches her smile this time and she has a very audible inhale before she turns to the whiteboard at the end of the table and begins writing names down with the coordination of a sheet of paper in her hands. Each name is placed under circled columns of other names, that Changkyun feels the need to take note of. As far as he can tell, the emptiest column belongs to a Min Yoongi, and the fullest to a Lee Minhyuk.

“Lim…. Changkyun?” She calls, glancing between the board and her sheet of paper like she's forgotten something gravely. Like she needs to deliver one last message to her family before she walks into the light. Changkyun perks up, sliding back into his seat to hide how slouched and bored he looked before she turns to him and sighs. “What skills do you even have? I can't believe they hired you. This paper is basically blank.”

It hits him where it hurts, mainly because it's the same thing Kihyun said when he first told him about the job and is also the same thing he said himself before leaving that morning.

“I work really well with kids, but that's about it. I have no idea about fashion or trends or any of that.” he pipes up, feeling hot with all those other temps staring at him in anticipation, which followed by disappointment does a lot to dampen one's mood. She clicks her tongue and turns back to the board, scrawling his name at the bottom of the board outside of all the columns

“Changkyun will be doing janitorial work until he learns how to human.” she mutters just loud enough for everyone in the whole universe to hear. When everyone in the room sniggers, Changkyun covers his face with his hands in shame. It’s just like middle school all over again.

An hour later he’s standing behind a photographer that’s throwing cheap potato flakes into the face of an annoyed model to simulate snow. It’s the last bit of their Summer-Winterland photoshoot, as explained by one of the crew members that smells like coffee and booze. It’s the last day and everyone is tired and they just want to wrap these few shots up and go home.

Ariel brought him to the scene about thirty minutes before and handed him a small held broom and dustpan and instructed him to just stay out of view but keep the area clean. So far the crack of his ass has photobombed all of the pretty golden-haired model's photos, and he apologized profusely, but could still tell she was seconds from setting fire to his face every time he knelt down to sweep up flakes.

Eventually, the photographer pleads with him to just occupy the corner and do nothing, and the shoot goes so much better with him nowhere near, that they don’t even acknowledge his presence when they’re packing up and leaving. Or rather they pretend he’s not in the room to begin with, though they all glance to the corner where he’s stationed.

“I wonder where the janitor is, so he can clean all of this up.” the photographer wonders aloud as he slings his camera over his shoulder and hoists his tripod into his arms. The rest of the three-man crew shrug and break wind for the door, hooting about how hungry they are. They flick the light on the way out and slam the heavy door, engulfing Changkyun in darkness and silence.

It’s fine. It really is. He slides down the wall and plops on the floor where it’s much harder to contain his tears so they spill out all over Kihyun’s nice black pants and the sleeves of his white shirt. He sobs uncontrollably, though it should be fine and he should be used to this behavior by now.

The reason he worked so hard to get a job that involves the care of kids is that everyone his own age judges him so harshly. Not just any kids, but ones that can’t formulate proper words or form their own opinions about him. He tries so hard to be friendly and to be likable, less awkward jokes and more meaningful talking, but every social interaction leaves him broken and crying on the floor, usually of a restroom.

But the dark solitude of the studio he’s in works just as good. His cries echo just a little, not too much to annoy anybody else, and he doesn’t have to worry about scaring the guy in the stall next to him mid-piss.

After so many years of inescapable rejection, his tears should’ve dried up by now, his skin should be harder and his heart should be tucked safely away in his pocket instead of proudly displayed on his sleeve. But here he is, trying to contain his hiccuped sobs and rub his swollen eyes quiet.

If anyone else would’ve been there, they could say it is-

“Truly a pitiful sight” a deep voice echoes above him and startles him. A sob gets stuck in his throat and comes out as a guttural throaty sound instead. He looks around the room in a panic upon realizing the lights have been switched back on.

His eyes sweep up thick clothed legs all the way to a handsome face scrunched up in concern. Though their first comment was said in a mocking tone, it seems the look of Changkyun’s disgusting crying face has flipped the script entirely. His bangs sway low into his eyes, shadowy and mysterious. “Are you okay? UGH. Shit. I’m so sorry. I thought you were rehearsing for a scene but fuck. What happened? No, don’t answer me. Fuck. You okay?”

Changkyun’s mouth drops open and then closes, his throat too sore from crying to actually form words. The next best thing he can think to do is shrug his shoulders and motion to the middle of the room where a pile of potato spuds still lay in the floor. The man glances between Changkyun and the spuds, Changkyun, spuds, Changkyun, spuds. Then his brows furrow. “Baby you gotta tell me what’s wrong, this makes no sense. Let me help you. Tell me what’s wrong.” the man says ‘baby’ so casually that Changkyun’s crying stops altogether and he’s left with soft whimpering.

He stares up at the man in bewilderment trying to put two and two together but he keeps adding up five. It isn’t right. He can’t figure out what it is, but it isn’t right. His heart thumps against his ribcage begging to be placed in the hands of the kind stranger because his heart’s a lot smarter than his brain.

“They said…. They were…They all said-” Changkyun’s voice skips a few beats, he stutters and tries to correct himself, but before he realizes it the man is on his knees and cradling him close to his chest, shushing him. A warm cologne occupies his nostrils, indescribably good smelling and fills his mouth when he tries to speak and break away. 

“No it’s okay, it’s okay. I understand. You’re new to the business and everybody’s been acting like an ass to you. That’s fine. You did a good job today. Their insults shouldn’t be allowed to break you like this.” he holds Changkyun impossibly closer until all Changkyun is left with is a mouthful of shirt and fraying consciousness due to the lack of oxygen. Just when he sees his dog, Little Magic, waiting for him at the gates of heaven, barking and wagging her cute little crested Chinese tail, the man pushes them apart in both the literal sense and the imaginative sense.

“But the spuds….” Changkyun says groggily as he fights to return to the sweet sweet embrace of death, but the man holds him at arm’s length without much struggle.

“I know, I know.” sweetly coos the man, though he genuinely doesn’t. His precious smile fills the room with more light than any of the fixtures on the ceiling. It helps Changkyun snap out of his daze much quicker.

He attempts standing on his own to escape the situation but ultimately is pulled up when the other guy jumps to his feet with their bodies still somewhat intertwined.

“I’m glad you’re apart of the team now-” the man breaks away and glances down at Changkyun’s plastic photo ID card before he continues. “Changkyun…. Oh. You’re a temp. I thought you worked for the company. Sorry.” laughs the man, showing all of his teeth. Laughing while apologizing is never a good thing. It’s too ingenuine an apology if you’re laughing while you do it.

Changkyun reels, backing away as fast as he can but he hits the wall he forgot he was up against instead of escaping.

Changkyun curls his fingers into the palms of his hands and croaks “I do work for the company.”

The man goes mmmm (the ‘sure Jan’ type of mmmm) before he lifts his own badge up showing Changkyun his name. The photograph on his card is slightly different from how he looks in that current moment. In contrast to his styled neat photograph, his hair is black and messy and curly and glistens with water. He’s wearing a shirt with the V of the neck so horrendously warped that it looks like a U, and his jeans are just 80% skin with all of the gaping holes in it.

His photograph has just his smiling face, his brown hair styled in a way that his forehead looks more massive than it actually is. Changkyun can tell a great deal of time has passed between the SHIN HOSEOK in front of him, and the one that took that photo. His skin is paler, and his eyes have massive bags that would put Saint Nick to shame.

“Hi! I'm-” Hoseok goes to introduce himself but Changkyun cuts him off with “You’re sleep deprived.”

“Ex..excuse me?” Hoseok stammers, eyes wide and pink lips open in shock. “Nononononono. This is makeup” Hoseok says after a while and of just breathing and staring at Changkyun like a two-headed sheep in a circus. To prove his point he swipes a finger under his eyes and the bags smudge a little bit. Then he tugs on his shirt and says “I also don’t dress like this on a regular basis. I feel so grunge right now.”

Changkyun opens his mouth to say that it sounds ridiculous to consider whatever the hell Hoseok is wearing grunge since that’s a genre of 80’s music, but Ariel bursts in the door looking furious. Nostrils flared and one eye slightly bigger than the other from the force of which she glares.

“The studio is about to be occupied. I told you to clean!” She yells, startling him and Hoseok enough the Hoseok grabs the broom out of his hand and beelines for the pile of spuds on the floor. “Not you. That disappointing ape over there!”

Hoseok hesitates but continues sweeping the spuds up and dumping them into the bucket-turned trash can close the scene of the crime. Changkyun, grimacing, joins him on the floor and attempts to take over from there. The longer Ariel glares, the harder it is for him to contain the shame.

Hoseok stops him, grabbing his hand. “It’s fine Changkyun.” he says, smiling to the side to show him that he means it. “A little hard work never hurt anybody. Look, almost done” Hoseok sweeps a few more into the bin and dusts his hands off to prove his point. When the floor is as clean as it’s gonna get after x amount of years of abuse, they both stand up.

Changkyun smiles shyly, wrapping himself in an awkward hug. “Um… well… Thank you” Changkyun says, trying to muster up whatever’s left of his voice after all that stupid self-pity. The deepness of it must be very shocking for Hoseok, who gasps and points at Ariel accusingly dramatic.

“You made this deep-voiced man cry like a baby! Shame on you!” Hoseok half-yells, half-cries, much to Changkyun’s utter shock and dismay.

Ariel freezes like an insect caught on a spiders web. Her mouth opens, closes, and then she bites her lip and blushes a deep crimson color. Unexpectedly, she whispers an apology and fidgets with the clipboard in her hands. “I’m sorry. He’s just such a disappointment and I’m so stressed by the summer rush, I couldn’t contain myself. I couldn’t find anyone to place him with so I put him in janitorial for now…. He can’t even clean right.”

“He’s not a disappointment.” says Hoseok with an animated roll of his eyes. “He’s cute and squishy. Don’t put him on a team. Just give him to me. Doesn’t matter what he fucks up.”

“But- that’s gonna- well he’s gonna make you look so bad!” Ariel puts emphasis on the ‘bad’ which makes Changkyun shrivel up just enough to ignore the fact that he was called cute moments before.

“That’s okay. I’m not exactly trying to look good to anybody. You’ll let me have him, right cutie? Right babe?” Hoseok insists, winking at Ariel to seal the deal. Good grief she almost faints when he does that. She doesn’t hesitate to nod and rip a piece of paper off her clipboard with Changkyun’s face and skillset on it.

“His skills include heavy lifting, I hope that’s useful to you oppa,” she squeals excitedly.

“Is that so?” Hoseok says, and then below his breath, while he’s giving Changkyun a once over, he mumbles “looks pretty easy to lift to me.”

Changkyun smacks himself. It’s not one of those light joking slaps you give yourself when you’re dramatically saying wake up wake up. It’s a literal smack. It sounds off in the studio like a lit firecracker. He winces, apologizes quickly. The slap, for the most part, should hide whatever blush he felt creeping up his own neck.

Hoseok and Ariel exchange concerned looks but before long Hoseok laughs weakly. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll have this lovely lady here send me your contact information and I’ll pick you up around….six or seven. In the morning.” he smiles.

Changkyun nods fervently, and Ariel rushes him out of the studio so the photography crew can enter and set up their equipment. When they’re both a great distance down the hall she points her pen at his jugular and hisses. “You’d better not fuck this up. He’s one of our largest clients. He’s very secretive and doesn’t like having too many people close to him.”

“I won’t” Changkyun whimpers, easing away from the pointy tip of the pen. “I promise you I’ll try my hardest.”

“I don’t think you can. If we lose his contract I’ll make sure you go jobless for at least a year.” she growls, and then she turns to leave.

Changkyun wants to say it. He wants to tell her that the temp agency obviously isn’t his only job. She should know if she’s actually studied his file. But he is only one worker under a name out of all the others that she has to deal with. It’s true.

He believes that deep down inside, she doesn’t hate him for screwing up so much anymore. She hates him for getting such a good opportunity like working with whoever Shin Hoseok is.

What is the worst that can happen?


	2. When The Worst That Could've Happened Kind Of Happened

2\. When The Worst That Could’ve Happened Kind Of Happened.

Changkyun shuffles a cup of hot coffee between his hands and a black leather jacket that Ariel forced into his possession the moment he walked into the Chae’s building gasping and sweating and on the verge of death. It is one of those creepy and unsettling things like she’d been waiting for quite a long time, checking the security cameras at the front of the building to see when he would arrive. She did not hold her breath that morning after insulting him either.

“Your socks match your pullover and it’s the middle of summer. Gross.” she scrunches her nose up like a pig, focusing her attention on the matching stripes of Changkyun’s gold-blue socks and his sweater because his stone-washed jeans barely reach his ankles. It’s true that he didn’t pull these items from Kihyun’s bag. He was in a rush when he woke up to find that he’d slept through all of his alarms on his second day of work and just threw on whatever was closest to his bathroom and looked clean that morning. Even his mom had given him that puzzled “you sure about that?” look before he ran out the door. Nobody should be too surprised that he was, in fact, not sure. Not sure about anything at this point. 

She gives him a crumpled pink post-it with instructions on how to find Hoseok’s personal studio office and leaves to help some of the fussing temps that have entered with rolls of fabric under their arms. Changkyun struggles with pushing the buttons on the elevator because his hands are so occupied, and a passerby sadly informs him that they are operating on the system and he’ll have to take the stairs. 

Looks down at the post-it in his hands and back up to the third row of stairs. God. Only seven more to go. He throws the leather jacket over his shoulders and continues fighting his way upwards, unfortunately not to meet his maker.

By the time he reaches the tenth floor he’s exhausted and his bangs are matted to the sweaty skin of his forehead. His right sleeve is stretched and covered in cold sticky coffee from when he kept accidentally squeezing the cup and had to peel the clothes from his arm to stop the pain. He’s never regretted wearing a sweater as much as he does today. 

He peeks out of the stairwell door to find that this floor is less fluttering with activity and everyone seems absorbed with their own work to pay attention to his ruined attire.

The floor is mostly open save for a receptionist desk that lacks a receptionist in the middle of the floor and there are several rooms with different labels, from possible human names to possible contents. Like for instance, located right next to the Floral Decorations Closet is SugaSkillz Studio. Changkyun can only acknowledge the second as a human name because he is a major fanboy of the youtuber it belongs to.

He takes long strides following Ariel’s horrible post-it instructions, ducking his head or turning his cheek to avoid making eye contact with literally anyone, though he knows none of these people he would like to keep it that way. The door is already wide open when he gets there, and Hoseok is laying back on the red leather couch in the room staring up at the ceiling. When Changkyun enters, his eyes instantly drop down and he smiles wide enough that it makes Changkyun halt in his steps. Changkyun does, however, close the door upon entering because he fears some strange passerby might try to make small talk and nothing scares him more than small talk. 

“Ah shit. I forgot to come and get you this morning. I'm sorry about that but I had a script reading that lasted until….Literally ten minutes ago?” Hoseok brushes the fingers of his left hand down his body and into the pockets of his tight blue jeans to fight his phone out of the fabric and check the time. It’s an innocent enough gesture, but for some reason it makes Changkyun’s breath hitch in his throat, watching the way Hoseok’s muscles bulge under the thin black fabric of his shirt when he moves. “You look….” Hoseok scrambles and sits up, tilts his head to the side like a confused puppy before he continues “You look upset. Is it cause I forgot to pick you up this morning? Can I make it better?”

The fact is Hoseok is too smart for his own good. To say that sweaty coffee stained Changkyun looks upset is to say that he is pretending not to notice the matching sock+sweater combo in the middle of summer even though his eyes keep dragging down to those very same socks and then back up to the sweater, and that is probably the nicest thing anybody has said all day. 

Changkyun stumbles over a pile of clothes in the middle of the room he hadn’t really paid attention to before, and spills just a little bit of the coffee and also drops the leather jacket but ignores it this time before he makes it over to Hoseok and hands the coffee to him with the indent of his clutching fingers deeply engraved in the styrofoam after all that struggle. His words are a jumbled mess when he manages to huff out words, “No. Not upset. I'm sorry, not upset. Ariel. Brought…. she. Well. I brought the coffee.”

“I don’t drink coffee,” Hoseok whispers somewhat to himself, wearing his typical bright blinding smile before he tosses the little remaining bits of coffee that managed to survive the slaughter of the stairs into his mouth and down his throat in one loud swallow. His face is set in a hard grimace at the bitter taste before he chucks the cup into the trash can next to the sofa. “Ariel sent this? She’s very bad.”

“No! I just wanted…. My first day so I thought this would be helpful to you and….”

Changkyun stammers to defend the girl because after all, Hoseok drank the entire cup in one gulp, but the moment Hoseok glares into his very soul and says “You’d better not lie to me Changkyun, that’s just as bad,” Changkyun zips his mouth closed and fidgets with the sticky sleeve of his sweater instead. His decision to wear the wretched thing in the first place makes him a lot happier now that he can hide in it so well.

“Don’t look so sad. I’m not scolding you, okay?” Hoseok speaks softly, obviously trying to avoid upsetting the continuously shrinking mess of emotions in front of him. When he stands and rubs Changkyun’s sweaty bangs away from his face so they can make clear eye contact it is one of the second nicest things anyone has done all day, making Hoseok the best person in his life in that current moment. The nicest he’s interacted with that day alone. “Just remember for these next few months everyone in this company is brutal and will make other people bleed to survive. So you are mine to protect and I am yours, and we can’t be allowed to lie to each other because that's not how you protect one another. Trust is a requirement for us to keep going, okay?”

Changkyun doesn’t say it. Doesn’t want to talk about what it means when a promise as empty as trust is made between them,(they are strangers, can they really learn to trust each other in eight to twelve weeks?), but surprisingly it still makes his heart hammer against the prison of his ribcage, crying once more to be placed in the care of this kind stranger. Just once. Just let him--just wants to touch him. To see what it feels like. To feel. 

Changkyun lifts a shaky hand up to Hoseok’s chin, drags his nails over the rough surface and is pleased with the texture, then higher to his smooth spit-slick lips. Staring into Hoseok’s eyes this close for the first time he realizes how well the other man is wearing his tiredness. Perhaps those bags yesterday were exaggerated for the camera, but the ones he’s displaying today are real and natural and with the way his hair hangs wild and low into their gorgeous amber depths it’s so very-

“Beautiful.” Changkyun mumbles, lost in his own little world trying to commit to memory how every groove and knick in Hoseok’s lips, and how his nose crinkles when it's obvious he's thinking hard about something. Hoseok makes his decision on whatever he's been running through his mind and pokes his tongue out to lick the tip of Changkyun’s studying finger.

“Isn’t it?” Hoseok talks hot and wet against the finger, his lips set in his signature smile like nothing but good things can come from that innocent soft mouth. “The only people that get close enough to kiss are the people that want to be kissed,” Hoseok says jokingly, laughs for good measure, and then he whispers more seductively like it’s a secret between the two of them that nobody else deserves to hear, “You wanna kiss right now? I have no objections.”

Changkyun scuttles backward, face hotter than when he stares up at the sun in amazement for too long and it burns him scornfully. Humans are some stupid creatures that's for certain. What just happened? What did he do to make Hoseok’s personality change so drastically? Oh no. He's going to mess things up and Ariel is going to scold him again. He covers his face with his hands and turns away so Hoseok can’t see him unwillingly imitating a tomato. Using his fingers as shields he launches into his sorry attack. “I'm so sorry. I really am. I'm… It's not that I wanted to kiss. I'm sorry it's just your face is so… I am just such a bad person, please don’t hate me.”

“Whoa relax. You're not going to catch the black plague just from kissing me, I can assure you it's not that bad,” Changkyun feels arms at his sides and then he's pulled into the firmest feeling chest he's ever been blessed enough to have his back against. He doesn't faint or anything like his brain keeps screaming for him to do. He just yelps and tries to escape the embrace with a little futile shaking and running in place. Hoseok holds him closer, tighter and so safe and so harmless, and wow who's heart is beating that loud is someone dying right now. Changkyun swallows audibly. It's his heart. Of course it is. And he's sure Hoseok can hear it too. 

Hoseok rocks them back and forth for awhile and then chuckles, it is so soft and deep and Changkyun can feel it vibrating in his own bones. “See. Not so bad, right? Now just imagine that kiss… Not so….bad, right?” Hoseok’s hot breath hits Changkyun’s ear just right and he full-body trembles 

Hoseok isn’t commanding it of him, but that doesn’t stop him from imagining how soft those lips would feel against his or how those rough hands could hold him still no matter how hard he fights to get away and-holy shit Changkyun covers his crotch with his hands. Of all times to get a boner it had to be right at that moment. Right when Hoseok is behind him, rocking their bodies so dangerously close and mumbling something philosophical about trusting one another and. 

Wow. Has Changkyun been moving his own hips like that? When did Hoseok stop rocking them and why in the world did Changkyun’s body keep going? Oh no. 

Hoseok’s breath on his neck is suddenly not as frequent or as deep, and Changkyun realizes with somewhat of a jolt that Hoseok is panting and his hands are fumbling and fisting the thick fabric of that blue-gold sweater like he’s thinking about whether they’re too close or not close enough. Shallow and shaky are the sails of this ship. Is….is that not a good metaphor right now? Would ships still sail without a sail? 

Changkyun doesn't know how much time passes like that between the two of them. It's quiet and it's hot and he doesn't know if he can ask to go to the bathroom and fix himself since that would give it all away. But Hoseok let’s go abruptly and swivels Changkyun's entire body around to face him. 

If it's any indication that they're both heavily affected by whatever situation they've found themselves in, it could be the fact that both of their faces are about as red as Rudolph’s nose. Hoseok smiles crookedly; doesn't reach his darkened eyes and the usual joyful lilt doesn't reach his voice when he says it. “Damn you are too cute. Think I'm gonna get that kiss before the end of summer?” huskily and smooth like the very first time Changkyun tasted German liquor. 

He says it for once looking Changkyun directly in his eyes so there's no possible way it could be taken as a joke, showing just how much he really means it. When his shaky breath fans across Changkyun's fiery face and he can feel it tickling his eyelashes. That's when he realizes it. 

When he realizes this is going to be the worst thing that could happen. 

 

***** 

DAY FIVE. 

Changkyun hasn't been scheduled to work for the rest of the week as far as he is concerned. Hoseok is a busy man but apparently not too busy to need an assistant. Every day Ariel emails him a schedule full of events he isn’t needed for like she’s rubbing it in his face. What she doesn’t know is that he is so so happy he doesn’t have to awkwardly face any impeccably dressed youth or look Hoseok in his face after subconsciously grinding his hips into the other man. Hoseok’s probably happy too, since he hightailed it that day, throwing an excuse behind his back about being late for a meeting.

So instead of working, he takes his time catching up on some overdue shows and baking cookies with his mom and then taking them straight to Kihyun’s house. It's kind of his way of apologizing for disgracing the mighty fashion king, though he's fairly certain Kihyun has no idea about it. 

For the most part, he delivers them to the door and then hides behind the dumpster near the corner of the street. But today before he can make his great escape Kihyun swings the door open holding a butcher knife the size of his head. Eyes bulging and skin paler than usual. He clutches his chest like he's reaching for some pearls and gasps. “Changkyun you little shit. I thought one of my customers had found my address and was trying to poison me.”

“You're a janitor! What customers!” Changkyun yips defensively and then points at the Tupperware containing the day's fresh batch of chocolate cookies, “You haven't been throwing them out, right? My mom is harassing me about her bowls!”

“No, I ate them and put the bowls in the dishwasher you fucker! Get in here!” Kihyun grabs the collar of his orange-green Hawaiian shirt and tugs him through the threshold of the front door. 

“You ate mystery cookies even though you thought a stranger was leaving them!? Have you a death wish man?!?” Changkyun doesn't fight being pulled into the house. Kicks his shoes off at the door and allows Kihyun to drag him to his massive closet. He’s had this happen so many times now that at this point it’s just routine. Still hasn’t seen a lot of his clothes after Kihyun makes him change into something more trendy and less comfortable.

“What customers huh what you talking about.” Kihyun shifts his eyes and fidgets with the hanger of a silk white shirt. “I never said customers. You said customers. You heard that, right?” he coos at a pair of black suede material shoes on a pedestal in the middle of the closet like the shoes can answer him. First of all like it isn’t crazy that he’s keeping shoes on a pedestal-

“I think you're losing your mind actually,” Changkyun accuses softly, popping open the buttons of his shirt. Oh, he’ll keep this one. Kihyun is not allowed to remove it this time, lest it never return to its original owner. “Didn’t know janitors had an audience.”

“Thought you agreed to stay out of my business when it comes down to work, hmm?” Kihyun’s voice is high pitched and full of mockery when he sneers like his only intention is to hurt Changkyun’s feelings. And dammit does it work. But he refuses to be shamed for caring.

“I know okay. You're right too. But I’m just worried about you because I love you. It’s not going to kill anybody if you let me know where you’re going at night. You’re getting paler and thinner and you have hickeys on your neck! I just want you to be safe and happy and I love you so much I...” Changkyun hiccups and wipes his still-dry cheeks with the sleeves of the shirt his friend is holding out to him before he even puts it on. The only point to shirts with sleeves in the summer is to fake sob into your shirt-paws after a tiring day, isn’t it?

“I have hickeys? Min-min that little fucker...” Kihyun mutters to himself, rubbing over the aforementioned hickeys with his middle finger and wincing. “You don't have to worry though. Didn't get those from work.”

“Right. Sure.” Changkyun squints at the way Kihyun scratches over the light purple-ish bruises so roughly yet so affectionately, wishing they weren’t there but being filled with joy that they are. It’s kind of cute how this little slight grin tugs at the corners of his lips and the tinge of a blush creeps over his neck to his ears and face. Not cute enough that Changkyun is willing to write ‘Sex Worker’ off of the list-of-possible-careers he and his mom made back when they were all discussing college and Kihyun scoffed and told them his golden plan of selling his body for money.

After Changkyun has finished swapping shirts and Kihyun throws his head back to thank the Lord himself, Changkyun blurts out. “I had a wet dream last night.”

 

“Excuse me? Was I in it?” Kihyun calls over his shoulder from where he’s sitting in front of his vanity, applying his over-the-top makeup to hide any (does he have any?) imperfections on his skin.

Changkyun mumbles behind him, fidgeting with the loose tassels on his friend’s sparkly comforter “Well no. My boss was in it.”

“First time you dreamt about a man in power or something? Cause my boss is always on my mind when I lay down to sleep.” Kihyun drags his nails through his volcanic colored hair and wolf whistles at his reflection when he finally gets it how he likes it. Messy, limp, and full of flaky product buildup.

“I wanna ask you what your boss does right now so I can figure out what your job is, but this is more important. Cause I haven’t been to work in three days after I accidentally grinded my ass into his-” Changkyun shudders. He’s not even sure what he should say any more at this point and just covers his face in shame. He hears when Kihyun turns in his fancy swivel chair, and he can feel the intensity of his gaze boring into his skin. But he doesn’t want to see it. Not now when the memory is fresh in his mind and his hot corduroy pants are already too tight as is.

“Did he try to stop you? Did he let you do it? Did he…. Make you?” Kihyun asks softly, a little above a whisper as if the neighbors are eavesdropping. “If he made you do it we’re going to rip that fuckers nose hair out using chihuahua teeth-”

“No! Hoseok would never! I… I think!” screeches Changkyun like squealing tires before an accident. He throws his hands off his face and sits up so he can look his friend in this eyes, so he knows he means it when he says. “He was talking to me about trust and protecting each other and something about catching the plague from a kiss, and it’s like my body took that as a sign to just back it right on up and go to boogie town on him. Didn’t even check the rearview mirror, Kiki! Didn’t even check the mirrors!” Changkyun falls back and throws an arm over his eyes, whimpering slightly.

“First of all never ever refer to grinding on someone as going to boogie town. I’m actually really scared right now okay.” the chair squeaks and the room falls silent until Kihyun joins him in the bed, straddles him, and removes his arm from his eyes so they can he properly glare into Changkyun's soul. Even like this, his best friend is one of the prettiest men he has ever seen and had it not been for how much they hate each other--maybe in an alternate universe or something, anywhere but here; they’d be madly in love with each other from day one. 

Kihyun squishes his cheeks between his hands, thus squishing all of his hopes and dreams for the future like a cowboy stepping on a bug. “Secondly, did he try to stop you or did he let you do it until you...stopped yourself?”

“Well, he wath holding a fistfulfof my sweater like he didn’t wannto part wiffit…” Changkyun recalls, talking even though his lips are squeezed so tightly together that he can feel Kihyun’s fingers on the 32 pieces of the exposed skeleton in his mouth.

“Oh wow see now. Now that’s the good stuff. Yep” Kihyun muses as he pushes until Changkyun’s lips slip through his grasp with a somewhat lewd popping sound. “Sounds like he wants to take you to pound town if you know what I mean.” 

“You just asked me not to refer to grinding as boogie town yet you….” Changkyun wants to say it right then and there. Wants to say that he doesn’t appreciate his friend referring to a certain act as going to any type of ‘town’ but the hypocrisy hurts too much.

“Wait did you just mention a sweater? Mid-June, you were wearing a sweater? Don’t tell me you also had on matching socks I-” Kihyun pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “I gotta meet this dude so I can ask him if it was worth it.”

“It must’ve been really bad because he ran away immediately after and my schedule has been wiped blank since then! And I’ve still had the gall to have bad dreams about him like I have no shame!” when Changkyun yells this time, his friend shoves the edge of the blanket into his mouth to effectively shut him up.

“You’re only human. Regardless of what you did, you don’t have to apologize to anybody,” Kihyun reassures as he stuffs even more blanket into his friend’s mouth to keep him quiet. “Scept your boss. Might have to apologize to him for that one. Even I would be appalled.”

Changkyun cries. It’s all he can do at that moment with his mouth full of sparkly scratchy tassels and the taste of laundry detergent. He thinks that at least Kihyun has cleaned his sheets so he doesn’t have to worry about what’s been done on top of them as recently as the previous day judging by how fresh his hickeys appear.

When he finally earns the right to talk again, he blurbles nonstop and can tell his friend is already regretting removing the blanket. “He’s so nice and so cute and I think if I have to spend the entire summer with him I’m not gonna want to go back to my kids! Kiki my kids!”

“Screw those bad kids alright. Some of them act older than you do. And your boss? He’s cute and….” Kihyun trails off, biting his lip like it’s gonna stop him from running his mouth. Then his expression softens significantly, looks somewhat pained. “Remember Son Hyunwoo, sweetie? Just because you think he’s cute and nice doesn’t mean he likes you. I don’t want to ever have to punch a large man for making you cry again, okay? I thought he was gonna kick my ass after that. I slept with a knife when I saw him at boot camp that summer.”

Changkyun gets it. He really does. He feels the exact same way. See when their friendship was still in its early stages and they didn’t hate each other as much as they do now, they were willing to wage wars and extinguish flames to save one another. Kihyun often tried to harmlessly threaten or intimidate anybody that hurt his spicy cinnamon bun, which was such a long list of people that eventually he gave up and resorted to using full-fledged violence, as is the case with this Shownu (we'll call him Shownu to avoid upsetting Changkyun) fella they probably should never mention again unless he wants to see Changkyun cry like a baby. 

Typical story of the popular guy in science class getting paired up with the nerd. Except Changkyun wasn’t that smart and Shownu wasn’t that popular. In fact, neither one of them fit the stereotypes in high school to have a successful cliche romance. It was just one-sided Changkyun being fascinated by one of the few soft-hearted people that took him by the hand and wiped the dirt off his face after he tripped in the middle of the courtyard and prayed to be dragged under the earth by a group of demons right then and there to just spare him from the embarrassment. 

It admittedly could’ve gone better than it did. If he wasn’t so grossed out when Kihyun made the joke that ‘you two should get married because you make a really cute couple haha’ and he gagged so hard he almost threw up in his bowl of greek yogurt. Could’ve gone a lot better too, if Kihyun hadn’t punched him square in the face immediately after that while yelling about how much Changkyun actually loved him and how much of a shit person you would have to be to turn that sniveling piece of cute garbage down. 

Turns out much to anybody’s surprise, stuff like that can really do a lot to draw a rift between friends. Every day after that Shownu ducked his head and hid behind other awkwardly shorter friends just to avoid the troublesome -yun duo. Finished their last project on his own so fast that Changkyun faked sick to avoid having to present it with him since that seemed like the best course of action at the time. 

Maybe he was only avoiding Changkyun to begin with, because he still had the nerve to invite Kihyun to his birthday party on Facebook about a year after that, and again when he ran into them at the convenience store on the corner buying “Protection for your friend’s jewels so he doesn’t die from a serious illness before age twenty” (said by his mom after she’d met Kihyun’s mom who complained about Kihyun bringing too many people home) with a shy dimpled smile and a nervous scratch to the back of his neck. All love-struck and a mess when he saw Kihyun’s chiseled face after puberty smacked the hell out of him, late in bloom like roses in Autumn. Nobody was surprised. Didn’t even acknowledge Changkyun trying to disappear into the massive amount of sweets on display.

Point is Changkyun always falls for the ones that are too nice. The ‘not into you but too nice to tell you otherwise’ ones. And Kihyun’s right. Hoseok fits the part like a snug glove, too nice and too smiley and too flirty. It’s anybody’s guess how many hearts he woos in a day.

“Honestly it was your fault I had to cry in the first place. You didn’t have to tell him I was in love with him. I wasn’t even sure if I was in love with him.” Changkyun grumbles and shoves Kihyun off him like a hot duvet on a summer night, only it’s a little heavier and it whines when it lands beside him.

“You mean to tell me that it was supposed to be a secret? With the way you stared at him how you stared at piping hot doughnuts from Krispy Kreme? HA!” Kihyun cackles while he thrashes around on the sheets like it’s the best-damned joke he’ll hear for the rest of his life.

Oh how Changkyun will always miss the Kihyun that felt the need to sleep with a knife after making too many of Changkyun’s enemies his enemies. 

 

*****

DAY SEVEN

Changkyun runs from the bus stop all the way to work. Kihyun dressed him today much to his dismay, so he needs to spend as little time as possible in the eyes of the public. He only stops when he’s safely inside of the Chae’s revolving doors and can adjust his hole riddled jeans to his content. Never has he worn pants with so many holes in it. Never saw the point. 

But when Kihyun looked him dead in the eye with the intensity of the calm before the storm and said to him “If they don’t call you to work, just show up on your own. Show your boss you don’t need to wait for him to call you just to come in. You’re under contract so it’s not like they can stop paying you just cause they don’t like you or they don’t want you there.”

Changkyun tries to argue that the person who decides when he comes to work is actually a short demonic lady with her massive forehead always on display but he can’t find the words to outwardly insult anyone. Or inwardly. Or at all.

When he woke up that morning Kihyun was standing over him, squinting his eyes and holding a plastic shopping bag full of crumpled clothes and hair products, and possibly makeup.

To both Kihyun’s and Mom’s delight, he left the house looking like someone his age. He’s uncomfortable with so much of his legs on display from the insane amount of holes in the fabric but what can he do. They took his keys and locked him out of the apartment. And everyone in his neighborhood knows him. He’d rather die than let any of the neighbors see him dressed like that. 

So. Much. Legs.

His face is burning hot from the sun and the attention by the time he reaches the elevators. They work today at least, though he is going to regret his decision fast because as soon as he gets on the elevator his biggest nightmare with the biggest forehead enters behind him. 

She throws him a grin “Thanks for holding the door!” in that chirpy sing-song voice she uses before she recognizes him and her face is set in a deep scowl. “Okay, what the hell are you doing here?”

The elevator is closing again and Changkyun wants to shriek. He knows he shouldn’t do that though, that would be the cause of too much attention at one time. He turns his face to look at his foggy reflection in the steel of the elevator and just prays she stops staring so hard at his-

“You have thigh fat.” Ariel laughs somewhat to herself like she’s taking mental note of something she mustn't forget. It’s not that funny or important. Which gives him reason to believe she’s just trying to mess with him. Typical behavior. But he tries to stand tall and ignore it. He’s not going to let anything get to ruin him before seeing Hoseok today. At least he has to hold his tears in, because he’s pretty sure Kihyun put something other than moisturizer on his face this morning and he doesn’t want runny makeup before noon.

“Ah um, excuse me” Changkyun whispers as he plays with the belt hooks of his jeans because he’s got nothing else to fidget with and can’t make proper conversation unless his hands are busy. “Why’d you… You know…. Keep me off the schedule but continue emailing it to me every morning? That was kind of…” he hesitates to say it, knows already that she’s not going to take it well, but even biting his tongue does little to hold it back “Rude. Especially because our work schedule is done by a weekly basis. And Hoseok’s daily schedule is no concern to me if I’m not going to be here….”

She cracks. Her nice grin and sweet facade shatter into a million pieces and she turns to Changkyun, eye twitching and nails digging harsh red lines into the palm of her hand. “How dare you say his name so casually. He asked to be separated from you on day one but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. Hoseok deserves so much better than your pathetic crybaby act all the time. There are so many great candidates that he refuses every season and then you waltz in here and collapse on the floor of his next shoot and he chooses you like some type of high-grass pokemon the second he finds your sniveling ass. You’re nothing special. You never will be.” she says it all in one breath to dig the knife impossibly further, and as soon as the doors ding open she storms off the elevator without throwing a second glance behind her. She knows what she’s done. Proud of it even. Her perfect grin is back in place before she rounds the hall.

Changkyun’s finger hovers over the 10. He stares at it for a long time and just stands there shaking. He can’t really tell that he’s crying until his vision teeters on blurry and he sinks down like how on a tragic night a ship crashes to the bottom of the ocean to bury his face in his knees. It’s quiet this time. It’s not like any of the other times when he’s realized everyone is right to doubt him to bully him and the sobs ripple through his vocal cords begging to be heard.

She’s right. They’re always right. That’s why it hurts. So much.

There is nothing special about him. In fact, he shouldn’t even be working for such a fancy company like Chae’s. Should’ve never met Hoseok to begin with. Never burdened Ariel with his useless job application. Never went to that temp place and applied. It’s not that he did too much, it’s that he’s never done enough. 

He’s never been the best at anything, he’s never been OK at anything either, no matter how hard he tried or how long he practiced. Failed sports, art, and music classes combined. Never fit in with anybody like a glass vase that’s been glued back together but is missing patches and pieces and it’s evident in all the chips and chunks that keep falling out of place when he forces them back together. 

Working in a fashionable department and dealing with some sort of famous VIP he’s never even heard of is---he’ll never be good enough to work a job like this. But who gets to make that decision in the end? Why do they have the privilege?

They’re not always right when they tell him he’s not gonna amount to anything. They can only see the him that’s in front of them right now. None of them can see how hard he’s fighting to be better and to change. So how can they tell him he’s just not good enough when they haven’t seen the bits and pieces of him that he keeps trying to hide?

He smashes his tear-soaked fist on the number 10 from his heap on the floor and struggles to stand on his wobbly legs when it begins jerkily moving upwards. 

He wasn’t born to be perfect. He’s not supposed to be good enough for anybody. He isn’t gonna grow anymore. He’s not gonna miraculously change with the seasons or overnight. If they don’t like him they don’t have to.

He steps off the elevator and dries his eyes with the back of his palm. Navigates using nothing but his foggy memory from a few days prior and ignores every questionable gaze thrown his way. When he reaches the room the door is expectedly open, and Hoseok is staring down at his little notebook laptop with all of the concentration of a monk. He doesn’t look up until Changkyun kicks the door closed with his foot and storms over to him.

“I don’t care if you like me or not I…. I…. I….” Hiccups. Oh no. He started so strong but he’s about to collapse and make Hoseok pity him again. He groans frustratedly and throws his head back to the ceiling, begging to just be heard this one time. Just please. Just once. 

Hoseok is on his feet the second the first tear rolls down Changkyun’s face. It’s as sweet as it is annoying, because dammit he wanted to be taken seriously and serious adults don’t cry the moment they’re about to prove the world wrong about themselves. 

“No shh. It’s okay. You did a good job.” Hoseok grabs his cheeks and smashes them into his chest, recreating the exact same day they met using the exact same words and all. Changkyun shoves him. Hard. Though it does little to separate them since he’s still stuck right there in that warm strong embrace.

“Don’t tell me I did a good job. You haven’t let me come back to work since that day!” Changkyun bawls, “Kihyun’s right. You have reason to be considerably grossed out because my body is bad and my face is bad and I did something so unprofessional. But if you didn’t want to work with me anymore you should’ve said that instead of asking me for a kiss!”

“What? Not want to work with you… Where did you hear that?” Hoseok pushes them apart so he can get a look at Changkyun’s ruined crying face and he frowns, which looks so unnatural compared to all the smiles he’s usually full of. “Who told you your body looks bad, or your face for that matter? I would like to point out that right now my boner’s pretty confused. I know I shouldn’t…. You’re a mess. But… Damn.” Hoseok says breathlessly and then he glances to the side like he’s trying to bottle up his blush before it creeps up his neck. 

Changkyun barely hears him because he’s already launched his volley of trying to defend the only person in this building that actually wants to see him stuffed with lit firecrackers till he combusts. “It’s--not what she said okay! I heard it from someone--not her! OKAY! It wasn’t her fault. It was yours!”

He stops for a moment and looks at Hoseok’s dark expression. It’s not a sexy or mysterious dark, but the kind of look Kihyun gave moments before punching someone in the face for hurting Changkyun. That calm-angry look. That ‘fuck shit up’ look, as Kihyun describes it.

“You do realize…” Hoseok mumbles as his eyes flow down Changkyuns face like a stream of water and then back up to ceiling much in the same way that Changkyun does when he’s asking for an impossible prayer. “I know who you’re talking about. And your trying to defend her is real cute, honestly. But not using her name isn’t going to save her.”

“You don’t know her. She doesn’t work here.” Changkyun whimpers, though he’s told whenever he tells a lie he always fidgets (he knows he does) and it gives it right away to the other party involved. But Hoseok doesn’t know him so he shouldn’t be able to read him like a book. Right?

“Changkyun you’re lying again. I told you we need to trust each other and you’re lying to me again?” Hoseok’s calm-angry look is replaced with hurt and he sticks his bottom lip out in a pout. 

WRONG. SO WRONG. ABORT. 

Changkyun shoves him again just as hard the first time and they stumble a little from the force but Hoseok doesn’t let go. “I’m not going to hurt you for lying so relax,” Hoseok reassures, lip still just hanging out there all sad and adorable. “And about you working here. You don’t have to tell me that our hiring manager has been keeping you on call. She’s the only one that we have so it’s just really obvious at this point. But regardless of what she says, I want you here. Right here. Every day.” Hoseok spreads his arms out wide and motions to the majority of the room around him.

 

Well then what the hell is Changkyun-- “Is that your ph-phone in your pocket or-”

“I’m just really going through a rough patch right now.” Hoseok groans vaguely, and then peels them apart as fast as he can. “Got some personal issues I need to sort out with my brain. Keep thinking about how soft your hips were when you were grinding on me the other day and wowie am I losing sleep over that or what.” 

Changkyun chokes. He’s glad his face is still wet from tears and his body is still being shaken by sobs or else choking on thin air would be pretty embarrassing.

He stares down at his legs to hide his sheepishness and at all of the holes in the pants and how, for once, Hoseok’s pants show no skin at all. In fact he’s wearing slacks and-

Changkyun half-screams. All of that so-called moisturizer from Kihyun is smeared into the soft fabric of Hoseok’s classy dress shirt. 

He can hear Kihyun wailing in the distance like an ambulance going to save a life. 

He’ll have to make it up to his fashion-loving, fabric-crazy best friend later. 

For now he needs to find a way to make it up to Hoseok….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapters gonna involve smut if I can get it less weird. I'm so sleepy right now and I have work in four hours help me. sorry this is unedited but please feel free to tell me how ya feel anyway


	3. Chapter 3

3\. I almost fell in love with you. 

 

How did things end up like this? 

Changkyun hurts. God, everything on Changkyun hurts. He rolls over in bed and comes face to face with a drooling snoring KIhyun. Memories from last night make his head pulse heavily, and the only thought that doesn’t bounce the contents of his brain is Kihyun texting him saying he’d love for him to come by and meet this new boy-toy while they both have free time.

And free time is a rarity for ‘Min-min’ so ‘Changkyun has to come now’

Had it dawned on him that KIhyun was going to be expertly crafting drinks on the bar in the kitchen like it's some kind of weird hobby he's picked up over time (normal people collect trains and baseball cards), he would’ve prepared his soul for the attack on the senses. The one that tastes like fruit and is laced with gentle tones of vodka so you keep tossing it back until you realize your legs are numb and the ceiling isn’t supposed to swirl like that.

Is there a word for being so hungover that you regret your own existence? Behind Kihyun there’s just enough space that it doesn’t surprise Changkyun when an unfamiliar head of blonde hair shoots up and greets him with a sleepy lopsided grin. That word should be called “Minhyuk”

Did they share a bed like this? Being the bread leaving Kihyun to be the meat? Oh how he’d love this, had there been literally any other man other than Changkyun curled around him like a snake wrapping around prey.

“Mornin’ Changkyun.” purrs the blonde haired man that’s known as Minhyuk. “I really wish you weren’t here all night. I barely got to touch my Kinkie at all.”

“I wish I wasn’t here too,” Changkyun mumbles straightforwardly. He doesn’t want to ask about the nickname, he doesn’t even want to remember it. He untangles all of Kihyun’s boney limbs from his own and slides out of the bed too fast that he just slips off the edge and lands on his ass.

Minhyuk peeks over the edge of the bed, no doubt laying across Kihyun to do so judging from the number of grunts and groans coming from the bed. His hair dangles down in his face, though only his eyes are visible and he slurs his words against the mattress when he says. “If you’re leaving can you let me know? I want to wake him up with a blow job.”

Kihyun lets out a series of coughs and complaints. “Fuck you’re heavy. I’m already wide awake you heavy ass bear. Get the fuck off me.”

“Oh baby you’re so cute.” MInhyuk mewls, and then he disappears back into the bed followed by the sounds of wet lips smacking together and a few slight moans. It’s just enough to send Changkyun running out of the room despite the gunshots going through his head.

He’s keeled over the toilet retching up the contents of last nights fun before either of them make an appearance. He can only spare one glance at their messed up hair and swollen lips before he continues emptying his stomach.

“Oh no. I didn't realize he drank so much...” comes Minhyuk’s voice just loud enough for Changkyun to hear the worry soaked into each word.

“Well. He did. But he’s also a feather when it comes to drinking. I’ve seen him pass out on his second beer so…” Kihyun is saying, but his voice is becoming so distant it’s obvious he’s leaving the bathroom, not even half as worried as his sparkly mysterious boyfriend. 

“Why are you friends with that guy.” Minhyuk whispers, and then he’s on his knees patting Changkyun’s neck with a cold towel and mumbling about how everything's going to be okay. It isn’t. But Changkyun doesn’t know how to telepathically convey that so he continues hurling into the toilet and trying to fight the tears.

When they’ve all managed to collect themselves and Changkyun is done killing himself for the day, he takes notice of how Minhyuk wraps his face up with a little thin cotton mask but leaves a trail of soft kisses on Kihyun’s face even through the fabric. “I love-” Minhyuk starts to say, but Kihyun stuffs his fingers through the fabric into Minhyuk’s mouth.

“I’ll see you soon.” KIhyun says lowly, his eyes wide and his mouth contorted in something akin to disgust. Minhyuk’s shoulders slump when he leaves the house and pulls his little baseball cap over his eyes. He walks briskly, and Changkyun watches as Kihyun watches Minhyuk out the window until his lean body disappears into the back of a black car with tinted windows and it drives off.

“Why’d you stop him from saying that?” Changkyun croaks though his throat is swollen with pain and his tongue tastes like acid and alcohol. 

Kihyun turns startled and studies Changkyun with one of his eyes being hidden behind a crystal blue lens, while the other remains lost after the events of last night. “Because if he says it I’ll believe him. And then he’ll have the power to hurt me.”

“It must be nice having someone tell you that they love you, though? What’s so scary about that?” Changkyun wonders aloud, not expecting any specific answer.

“You’ve never been in love?” Kihyun squeaks. “That shit is hot garbage. Oh. Urgh..” he gags. “If you mention that word one more time, you can get the hell out my home right now. Spreading all that negativity…. Ugh.”

Changkyun is still thinking about that on his way to work that morning with his nose buried into his arm to block the smells of greasy food vendors from his straining stomach. 

It’s still on his mind as he’s fixing the sleeves on the red shirt he’s borrowed from his best friend that smells a lot like MInhyuk did when he pulled Changkyun in for a hug even though it was the first time they were meeting last night. It smells good. Fresh like memories of his own home. Between Kihyun’s citrus-y shampoo and Minhyuk’s husky cologne. Something like being squished in a hug by his parents on his first day of school.

Why wouldn’t Kihyun want to love someone so soft and so sweet like Minhyuk? Who wears a grin like a coat in winter, and whose voice is heavenly and smooth and could lull people to sleep with just words alone?

Changkyun almost manages to brush those thoughts away as he skips in through Hoseok’s open door. But the moment his eyes land on that familiar head of messy blonde spirals, his heart still. “Minhyuk?”

Hoseok turns around from his position at his desk. He sits there when he’s sketching in a notebook or reading daily planning events on his IPad. He tilts his head to the side in confusion and asks the most innocent question in the world. “Minhyuk knows Changkyun already?”

“We slept together.” Minhyuk huffs, and then adds “last night…” for good measure, then he winks at Hoseok. 

Changkyun has never really seen Hoseok get angry, but then again he’s been there for a little over twenty-two days and he rarely sees Hoseok doing anything because Ariel makes sure his working schedule is so far off the planet that by the time he finishes half of it, it’s time to go home. 

But the second Minhyuk makes that joking little comment, Hoseok’s eye twitches and his small smile falls flat, replaced with somewhat of a frown as his lips go straight into a thin line. “You did what?” Hoseok asks only Minhyuk, because his eyes still haven’t left the blonde’s face looking for an answer. “I told you how I felt about him and you slept with him? On the exact same day. The same day I literally told you.”

“Okay, first of all, you said you wanted to put him on a leash. And second, I had no idea he was your Changkyun until my er….um…. friend mentioned him working here.” MInhyuk puts such heavy emphasis on the word ‘your’ that Changkyun chokes on the coffee he’s struggling to get down his scratchy throat. To top it all off. A LEASH. Changkyun gags.

“Alright that’s fair, but still explain this to me…. you slept with him?”

“We were fully clothed and an entire body was between us.”

“I didn’t know you had those kinds of kinks though. Interesting. ” Hoseok turns back to his sketchbook with a snicker, though he still has paid very little attention to Changkyun’s existence and that’s very upsetting for the nicely dressed youth this early in the day, and having Changkyun dressed nicely is a rarity so he needs Hoseok to pay him some attention like right now immediately. Especially while they discuss putting leashes on people that are very present in the room.

“You want to put him on a leash. And I like, agree with that idea after watching him sleep for like twenty minutes. But don’t try to come for me and my kinks when you have a sweater fet--” Minhyuk cannot finish his sentence, as Hoseok flings that blue leather-bound sketchbook at his head and it sails through the air with an appropriate amount of force that it smashes flat against the cushion closest to Minhyuk’s head. Minhyuk winces and apologizes quickly. “I’m sorry! I don’t think sweaters are that sexy but I can see the appeal!!”

Changkyun ducks even though the aim is so precise and he’s nowhere near the target. He buries his face into his knees and just hides there for an eternity and a day. God his head hurts and his body hurts, and there’s so much information being crammed into his skull that he just might faint. Leashes. Sweaters. And MInhyuk watched him sleep for how long?!

Minhyuk’s voice as it retreats out of the door says softly. “He has a hangover. Please don’t make him work too hard like you normally do.”

“I don’t make you work hard. Do I?” Hoseok is closer now judging from how his voice no longer sounds like it’s coming from the other end of the tunnel of painful sounds that are assaulting Changkyun’s hangover this morning. “I told you to just stay in here all day and relax. Why do you work so hard?”

“How do you feel about me?” Changkyun pops his head up from his lap and lo and behold Hoseok is crouched right there in front of him, making it very awkward to be spitting out such a question like that. 

And if Hoseok’s eyes becoming the size of a tea saucer is any indication, he is equal parts surprised by the proximity and by the question. “I mean… I… um I like you and stuff like that.. This is not what I prepared for today so I don’t know what to say-”

“Because you told MInhyuk that he knows how you feel, so I want to know too. Am I really that bad?” Changkyun overspeaks Hoseok for a brisk enough moment that he doesn’t even hear what the other man is saying and it’s too late to stop so he just keeps going.

Hoseok chuckles and a deep breath passes through his nostrils when he finally looks Changkyun in the eyes and says. “You’re not bad. You’re just so- good. So cute. I brag about you to all of my friends because of it. How lucky I am to see you every morning, even though it’s not in my bed where I think you belong.”

Changkyun pushes up off his knees and sighs. “Oh thank god I-.” laughs nervously and then begins playing with the loose thread dangling from the waistband of his jeans. He’s going to try it too, to try to make Hoseok as flustered and as shy. He may not be victorious, but he has to try. “I wish I could wake up in your bed too. Tomorrow morning maybe.” Changkyun tries to say confidently, but then he kind of just turns around and attempts to flee the room as soon as the words leave his mouth. This flirting thing comes very naturally for Hoseok, but it makes Changkyun feel like his heart is being shaken up in the pits of his stomach like a cocktail shaker. 

A sense of dejavu washes over him when Hoseok grabs his waist and yanks him back into the firmest chest he’s ever been blessed to touch, trapping him like a bird between those strong tense muscles. “You don’t have to wish for anything, I’m already here.” Hoseok whispers in his ear, the hot breath hitting him in ways he hasn’t prepared himself to deal with so early in the day. 

 

Changkyun stays there for a while in that embrace. Mind numbingly slow due to his previous night of activity, so that's something he can use as an excuse as to why he's even provoking Hoseok in the first place. Why they're standing there saying things they don't mean. 

It is nice to be wanted, nice to be held in someone's arms and nice to feel an extra heart hammering against your bones, to feel breath on your shoulder and hair tickling your neck. All of that is so nice. Incredibly hard to ignore or to deny. How does Kihyun do it? The play hard to get thing that makes all the men swoon over his feisty little antics? Changkyun sighs and loops his fingers through the hold Hoseok has him wrapped in, and then so very slowly pries his way out. “I don't know what I was expecting.” 

“I'm sorry?” Hoseok tightens his grip just enough that it squeezes a little air out of Changkyun. “Did you expect for me to hold you tighter? I don't wanna hurt you.”

“I just don't know. I wanted to see you flustered and stuff. You make me blush every day, I just wanted to mess you up too.”

Hoseok's chuckle is a smooth deep and rattles Changkyun's bones. “You mess me up in other ways, sometimes without even trying baby boy.”

Changkyun leans into the hold because the truth is his legs can't carry his weight after a reply like that. It's not the first time either. Hoseok has a whole slew of pick-up lines and pet names that he drops a dime a dozen when he gets the chance. Yet every time Changkyun has to catch his breath and still his heart. 

He should expect this by now, right? Hoseok may not get the chance to embrace him every day, but he's almost 180% sure that Hoseok has referred to him as “my squishy little angel.” in an email written to Ariel about the working schedule, and again during a daily briefing when he peeked into the room and shouted “Where's my coconut?” and when nobody moved an inch from looking over their tasks, he huffed angrily. “My baby. My Changkyun. Is he here?”

“What if you look up one day, and you no longer think I'm squishy or cute?”

“Hmm...” Hoseok works his phone out of his pants pocket with one of his hands and then dangles it in front of Changkyun like he's waving a piece of yarn in front of a cats face. “That'll be the day I give in and realize you're actually a really sexy vixen, right?”

Changkyun grabs the phone out of Hoseok's hands and taps the power button. On the front of the screen, surprisingly, is a photo featuring Changkyun eating lunch in one corner of the studio when he'd thought Hoseok wasn't paying attention to him a few days prior to the moment they're sharing right now, with a bunch of ridiculous heart emojis pasted onto the picture. At this point in being awestruck and a little angry that anybody would ever take such an ugly picture of him and then use it as a wallpaper, Hoseok lets him go and turns him around so they can make eye contact. 

“I know right. Pretty pathetic how you’ve got me so bewitched doing literally nothing but smiling at me every morning. It’s because I like collecting cute things, and you're the cutest of them all.”

… 

 

CHANGKYUN is sprawled out in his bed after a shower when this thought runs through his mind again. 

Even the warmth from the summer heat can't compare to the blush on his skin when this passes his mind. For over half a month now, Hoseok has been looking at him. Not like he's staring at a freak show, not as a source of entertainment, but directly at him and everything that he does like it's the most interesting and important thing in the world. 

“I like collecting cute things.” Changkyun tries to repeat, just to feel the words roll off his tongue and hang in the air around him. He drags his nails over the exposed skin of his abdomen where his shirt has risen up, where Hoseok's arms sunk into his soft flesh and held him prisoner for all of five minutes. He yearns for that touch again. That rough and unspoken dominance that Hoseok carries around like a scuffed leather jacket on his shoulders. 

His phone rings loud in the room. Some girl group he’s been into a lot lately, so it’s very loud and bubbly and he almost tosses the cursed device across the room before the name flashes in bright white letters and it’s the object of his fantasies right then and there. 

“Are you up?” Hoseok mumbles sleepily into the phone. How did this number even get saved on this device? Changkyun’s been too much of a wimp to ever call it, but it’s true that he’s had it saved for a few days now just in case of an emergency. Any call after 12:00 AM counts as an emergency right?

Well. Maybe not. Changkyun sharply remembers Kihyun fussing at him for texting at 2:30 AM one night. “Those are booty call hours, Changkyun! You got me excited for nothing!”

“Are you okay? Did you forget something at work?” Changkyun’s words are laced with worry, mostly because Hoseok has never called him for any reason since they swapped numbers a few days back, and the only thing that comes to mind is not, as his best friend calls it, a booty call; but a real emergency.

“Damn your voice sounds so good right now. So sexy.” Hoseok purrs in his ear, and it takes all of the strength in his body for him to sit upright in the bed and not shed all of his clothes then and there. “Where are you? Can I come to you?” Hoseok is saying again, so smooth and low, and his words slur just a little bit. “I just wanna see your face. I miss your face.”

“Are you drunk? Should I come get you now? I-” Changkyun’s words get stuck in his throat and while he’s mulling over what to say in response, Hoseok continues talking. 

“I know. I’m being needy right now, and I know you don’t wanna see me as bad as I wanna see you. But please. Just send me your address. Let me see you tonight. I need you.”

 

Changkyun pulls the phone away from his ear and squints down at the caller I.D. No, it isn’t a joke or a prank call much to his dismay. But if it’s neither of those things, then what could it be?

Kihyun’s words echo in his ear like he’s chanting them from the end of the hall. “BOOTY CALL! BOOTY CALL! BOOTY CALL!”

“Are… are you coming now? Right now?” Changkyun stammers pathetically as he fumbles around with a pile of clothes on the bed. The ones he’s been meaning to fold and put away for like three weeks now, but whatever working adults don’t have time to do laundry.

“Can I?” Hoseok asks innocently, and Changkyun’s already nodding his head as an answer even though it can’t be seen. 

When Hoseok ends the call with a breezy laugh and a “See you soon.” Changkyun immediately calls his best friend. 

“Have you ever had your boss do the booty call thing?!” he yells frantically into the receiver the second the line is answered. 

“What the fuck. Ugh. Yeah. He’s here now.” Kihyun groans to the phone like he’s annoyed and he’s tired and he’s ready to fight everyone he knows. “I’m trying to find ways to make him stop. Maybe turn my phone off after a certain time.”

“What! You’re cheating on MInhyuk with the owner of the farmers market?!”

“Ew no? Minhyuk is my boss, dumbass!”

“Minhyuk owns the farmers market?” 

“Changkyun please spit it out. Whatever you’re trying to say. We were about ten seconds away from playing cowgirl when you called.” Kihyun sighs, exasperated. 

“I don’t know what game that is, but I need your advice! Hoseok just called me and asked if he could come over. And I don’t know about how this goes. Are we gonna play cowgirl too? I mean what even are we supposed to do this late at night!” Changkyun cries and collapses onto the pile of sweaters and dress pants beside his bed. His room is a mess. His life is an accurate reflection of that. He can’t have company over when it looks this bad, can he?

There’s the sound of fabric rustling and then Minhyuk’s chipper voice sings into the phone. “Just fuck him. Please. Please. Just fuck him until the day turns to night, and then keep fucking until--.” There’s a muffled ooomph sound like Minhyuk’s been smacked with a pillow, and then the line goes dead. Fifteen seconds later he receives a two worded message from his best friend’s phone. 

FUCK HIM. 

It’s a lot more ominous and angsty than it should sound, and he grimaces at the small device in his hands like it’s committed treason.

He’s just started shoving the pile of clothes under his bed when the loud knocking at the door scares him into an upright position. He stares at his bedroom door for a long time, like any second now the girl from ‘The Ring’ is going to crawl through the doorway and drag him to the pits of hell. And when the knocking doesn’t stop, he decides to worst that can happen has already happened. 

Or. Err. Something like that. When is he gonna learn to stop expecting the worst? More often than not, lately The Worst has been getting the best of him.

And the second he opens the door, and Hoseok lips drag into a lazy little drunken smirk he’s never actually seen Hoseok wear before. He knows. The Worst is about to strike him like a ton of brick-

Very soft bricks. Shoving him back into his apartment and slamming the door with its foot. Soft lips glide over his own slightly chapped ones. They don’t move in sync with each other; Changkyun barely registers it’s a kiss until their noses bump together and he pulls away to apologize.

But Hoseok doesn’t let him get far. In a matter of seconds he’s pinned up against the wall in the foyer and the intoxicating flavor of alcohol and coffee moves across his lips begging for entrance. 

Changkyun can't even remember if he’s agreed to do something like this with Hoseok before they’ve even really agreed to be friends. Did they have a talk earlier that day, or even on the phone about doing something like this? He could be highly mistaken and this could all be another stupid wet dream, and with the way Hoseok is digging his nails into the thin fabric of Changkyun’s shirt and pressing down on his hips if it isn't a dream then none of it can be mistaken as a friendly greeting. 

It’s funny how this all started anyway, right? How Changkyun was just laying in bed recalling a sweet memory from earlier that day, and now he’s being pinned up against the wall making out with someone for the first time since he drunkenly kissed Kihyun on his nineteenth birthday. 

By the time they both pull apart Changkyun is dizzy stupid and imagines how hard he’d hit the floor if Hoseok lets go of his hips in that second. His heart is pounding somewhere between the bottom of his stomach or his chest. Maybe that throbbing feeling he has all over is really just his heart jackhammering against his ribcage?

Hoseok presses his forehead to Changkyun’s, and breathes in through his mouth and out through his nostrils to slow the panting until he can form coherent sentences. Then he rasps out, “I’ve wanted to do that for so fucking long. Shit. Can I do it again?” and doesn’t wait for an answer before he leans back in and leaves a trail of warm kisses along Changkyun’s jawline all the way to his lips.

Changkyun ponders on the sincerity of asking permission to do something you’ve already done. Does he care about any of that right now? Does he have the time, what with Hoseok’s hands slowly going lower and lower off his hips? A little bit. But what matters most is that he gets to taste the potent mixture of coffee, liqueur, and Hoseok again.

It goes without saying, this is his new favorite taste.

 

****************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST: no smut. me big sorry. I'll do it sometime soon. I got lost somehow.  
> SECOND: so sleep deprived I accidentally added this as a chapter to my other book Kill us While We're Young. so sorry. big sorry.  
> THIRD: i have done very little editing so i know there's a lot of messed up stuff. I'm still very sorry.  
> FOURTH: thank you for taking the time to read this!!from the bottom of my heart!!! :) and if you don't enjoy it anymore I'm also very big sorry!!!! :(  
> FIFTFH: after looking over this, I realize instead of pasting twice, it was pasted three times. wowie! that's impressively stupid of me!


	4. Something's Different

4\. Something’s Different. 

 

Changkyun tosses and turns in his sleep regularly, and he's done so for as long as he can remember. Stirs awake in the middle of the night and checks his surroundings for whatever it is his brain sleepily thinks is going to kill him if he isn’t staring straight at it, before he plops face-first into his pillow and passes out, either from lack of oxygen or exhaustion. 

So that is to say when he cracks his eyes open and the sun is splintering in through the curtains he almost breaks out in tears. He's never just slept a whole night without any disturbances. Not once in his entire existence on earth. That is to say, he never thought he'd get the chance to experience a full night's sleep.

But here he is. Laying in his bed and staring at the fluttering light coming through his curtains. Maybe it's because of the sun actually hitting some parts of his skin, he is incredibly hot like he slept all night over a boiler.

Something about last night seems to be hard to remember but so evident in the way that his room smells different. You know how home has this undisturbed smell that just reminds you of everything you miss when you aren’t there. 

Perfumes can be described in no specific way, it's just that there's a warm body nestled behind him emitting a scent so sweet it almost makes his stomach growl. That's strange, isn't it? It's like the smell of coffee candy. 

But Hoseok doesn't like coffee, right? 

“Hoseok?” Changkyun drags his arm around behind him and catches onto the waistband of Hoseok's jeans. He doesn't know that's what it is at first, so he continues holding it while he talks to himself, “Am I still dreaming?”

Hoseok grumbles something incoherent behind him and grabs hold of his fingers as if stopping them in their tracks, then he intertwines them with his and warmth spreads through Changkyun's limbs like Hoseok is a source of power. 

Changkyun untangles their fingers and flops around (like a fish out of water, yes, just gentler) until he turns just enough to see Hoseok's sleeping face. His hair is scrunched up against the pillow and his lips are parted just slightly; light breathy snores escape every time he exhales, and in the heat of the moment Changkyun draws a finger over the pink fullness of Hoseok's bottom lip in awe. 

There are a lot of things that Changkyun is bad at. Obviously, he's not good with romantic relationships, he's also not that good with platonic relationships either, dancing, cleaning, saving money, doing laundry… Literally anything along the lines of fuck-uppable, if left in his hands for too long, will be fucked up. 

So really who is surprised when as he's getting ready to sit up and admire how the light hits Hoseok's thin pretty eyelashes just right like they're glistening with drops of water, his elbow that he's propping himself up on slips on those useless silk sheets Kihyun gave him for Christmas two years ago and he kind of just tips over on top of Hoseok. Immediately when this happens, Hoseok's arms wrap around his waist and holds him close, startled wide awake judging by the deep grunting sound he makes when Changkyun crashes on top of him. 

“Shit.” Hoseok gasps out after the impact leaves him a little winded, and against his chest Changkyun can feel the hammering of his panicked heart. “You okay?”

Changkyun's face flushes and he attempts to push himself back up but Hoseok hasn't come to play and his grip only tightens. “Nnno well, I'm fine.” Changkyun's voice is deep and sounds very weird when he stutters, so he tries hard to just get out whatever he's thinking before he gets the chance to see Hoseok's wide-awake face and he loses his cool. “How are you? Last night… You were very drunk, I was worried out of my skin.”

“I wasn't drunk.” Hoseok's voice travels through his bones and he speaks with such confidence that Changkyun feels it when his cheek is still pressed to the toned beefy chest. “I think blaming my actions last night on alcohol is extremely low of you.” then full of disappointment, he pushes Changkyun away slightly and stares at him with a pout. “I had a few drinks and I missed your face. Maybe I had some liquid confidence, but I certainly wasn't drunk.”

Changkyun peers up at Hoseok through the curtain of his choppy bangs and sighs. This isn't going well for him. If he keeps looking up at Hoseok like this-

Hoseok flips them over so that Changkyun is being pressed into the mattress and then gently takes hold of Changkyun's chin. He squints down at Changkyun's lips for the briefest of seconds like he's thinking about kissing right then and there but his eyes ultimately travel downwards to the stretched out collar of Changkyun's shirt and he groans. “You going to work today?”

Changkyun reaches up and wraps both hands around Hoseok's which is settled on tilting his chin upwards as Hoseok examines his throat, and Changkyun pulls hard to try to break free because it's uncomfortable, like a crook is literally forming in his neck from the action alone. “Why are--what are you looking at?” Changkyun's brain short circuits. Hoseok staring at him like this is starting to make the room even hotter than the sun pervertedly peeking in on them. 

“Maybe I was a little drunk.” Hoseok groans sheepishly before pressing more weight into Changkyun and kisses him gently on the forehead. “You've got a few trophies here I'm sure I gave you last night, they're pretty fresh. I'm sorry- you probably won't want to work with them being so visible.”

Changkyun goes from trying to free his chin from the assault of being held and kissed like that to rubbing over the aforementioned slightly raised kiss marks and he can't help the dusty pink that catches on his cheeks like glue. “Yeah you, um you, did that. Is it really bad?”

“Eha. Well, my schedule is blank today, so how about just staying in bed talking? I wanna get to know you better.”

“Hoseok.” Changkyun feels a whine slip out his mouth before he can help himself. Much like not being able to breathe easily with Hoseok's hair tickling his face or Hoseok's lips continuously leaving kisses on his face while he talks, or the whole fact that Hoseok is just casually hovering over him using just one elbow and he must be getting tired because they're just getting closer and closer…. Just Hoseok in general. 

“Yes baby?” Hoseok whispers in reply, nuzzling their noses together. “You want something from me?”

Changkyun mentally unravels. For a moment all he can see behind his eyelids is a crystal white sheet, and he swallows to pop the little bit of pressure building up in his ear. There’s a slight echo of Hoseok saying ‘baby’ to him so close that the hot breath that fans across his face mixed with the heat of the blush already settled into his skin. “Is it really bad, Hoseok?” he finally comes to, and Hoseok is staring down at him wide-eyed and worried.

“What? Hahahaha. No. You have Netflix? Popcorn?” Hoseok laughs a little and it sounds so forced as it's the only way he can try to avoid answering the question. Changkyun opens his mouth to complain about this blatant dishonesty, but in that moment Hoseok thinks of another way to shut Changkyun up and their lips collide just a little. Not even in a kiss. Just a little boop-boop like you'd do when your dog is begging for something and you want them to stop, and Changkyun's eyes grow twice their size. 

“Did you just-” Hoseok does it again before Changkyun can get the words out but this time the feeling of his lips linger with the acidic smell of alcohol. He strengthens the kiss by tilting his head just so slightly, and their chests touch every time either attempt to breathe. There’s no tongue involved, but this taste and this scent will settle into Changkyun’s memory for a long, long time. 

Hoseok kisses a gentle river that flows from Changkyun's mouth to his neck where those pretty reddish-purple marks stand out on Changkyun's soft vanilla skin. He nibbles on the tender bruises and then he’s back hovering over his scared temporary assistant with a smile. “It’s nice. I actually got to kiss you before the end of summer. I feel pretty much so honored right now.”

Changkyun thinks about a lot of things nowadays. He thinks about memes he’s seen countless times and posts on facebook that his mom won’t stop sharing. He thinks about the seasons and how they change so quickly, because after all it was his first year teaching and he suddenly looked up with nothing to do for a few months, and he needs to be busy, see, because being trapped in his hot boring apartment is going to damage his mental stability and he’s going to be unfit for teaching come August. 

And he also thinks about how Hoseok pins his hands above his head when they share another soft kiss that morning with a little bit of nibbling and a little bit of tongue, for seemingly no reason, because Changkyun is still too busy trying to figure out why his heart is beating so hard in his chest to actually fight anything. Tongues feel weird against other tongues; Changkyun doesn’t know what to do when Hoseok licks into his mouth hungrily, but he tries to supply the same amount of want even if he thinks it feels funny at first.

Before long, before he realizes it, his legs are wrapped around Hoseok’s waist and good lord he’s never had anyone grinding that hard into him but he’s most certain that if he blinks too fast he’s going to see stars. Hoseok feels good, his body isn’t too much weight over Changkyun and his kisses are dripping with experience. Even the way he’s gently rocking into Changkyun like he wants more but he doesn’t want to go too fast; it’s heavenly. The throaty moans he keeps releasing are just a bonus to the whole scenario.

But what is most interesting is... It’s something else to feel, to pay attention to, when Hoseok’s sleepy dominating kisses slowly melt into just lazy gliding of lips on skin and he’s no longer struggling to hover over Changkyun because he’s flopped on his side and every other kiss is followed by a brief chuckle because he laughs at everything Changkyun says, and for someone that struggled a lot with hardly anybody to turn to, this is one of the best days in his life.

“So Minny is dating one of your friends. I would’ve never seen that coming… He has been so focused on his career that he barely even has time for normal friends…’’ Hoseok explains sluggishly, letting his fingers get tangled and lost in Changkyun’s stringy air-dried hair. “Looks like he jumped into a tricky situation.”

“That’s the thing that makes my head hurt. It seems like Minhyuk is crazy invested, while Kihyun is disgusted at the thought of even acknowledging they have something that is more than skin deep.” at the end of the sentence, Hoseok pecks Changkyun on the lips and just smiles, and it’s so beautiful that he loses his train of thought for a moment.

“Still it makes sense. Look at your friend’s perspective. He’s just getting serious with some very attractive famous loser, a relationship that they have to keep secret by default is pretty tough to deal with. Minhyuk has a precious reputation he can’t give up. For Kihyun too, it’s probably his heart though.” Hoseok halts running his fingers through Changkyun’s hair and opens his sleep-heavy eyes to mumble in the face of Changkyun. “If it was between us I can’t promise you that it would be any different.” and maybe Hoseok is only saying this to gauge Changkyun’s reaction, but Changkyun remains silent as the thought goes through his head.

Wouldn’t it be very painful if you started seeing someone, and just because of a reputation or social standing they tell you that everything between the two of you has to remain just that; between the two of you. Changkyun frowns and covers Hoseok’s eyes with the spread fingers of his right hand, which is obviously a bad blindfold. “Can you see?” he asks, and Hoseok quickly shakes his head. 

“I can’t.” Hoseok squeezes his eyes shut again with a gentle smile. “Minhyuk isn’t wrong for being love-stricken, and Kihyun isn’t wrong either, but I’m sure he knows how bad it’s hurting Minny when he refuses to acknowledge their relationship. That’s unhealthy for both of them.”

“Is a healthy relationship built off of lies? Off of pretending something isn’t happening when it is?” Changkyun can feel Hoseok’s jaw clench at the simple question, but he doesn’t even try to stop himself from spitting the next few words. “I would also protect myself from someone that wants me to be their flame in the dark, you know? I’d rather be the sun in their sky than to be their candle in the closet.”

Hoseok’s face scrunches up in shock; his nose crinkles, his brows furrow, and his puffy lips fall open soundless. He’s thinking about how to take these words, because Changkyun has never spoken like that before. Never with so much unwavering confidence.

These words are just as shocking to the speaker. He has no idea why he’s saying half of that, since he hasn’t ever had a thing he could call real. Sure there’s the blind dates Kihyun forces him into, that end three breadsticks in when he starts choking from eating too fast and it scares his date shitless. 

But still in spite of his fragile understanding of how these things should feel, his heart aches for the love Kihyun will never have if he continues down that dark path, lead alone for himself, being wrapped up in the embrace of a man who has already admitted it. 

Who has already admitted he can’t ever accept someone like Changkyun publicly.

That’s all he needs to hear from anybody. That's all he needs to know. Huffing, Changkyun sits up, forcing Hoseok's hand that has been rubbing circles in his head to fall limp on the pillow where he was just laying. Sure this is all nice. 

He's never had anyone to hold him like this or kiss him like this, or to even continue a conversation with him even through all of his awkward stutters and lost trains of thoughts. But if he's never outwardly gone searching for someone to do all of this before, then surely it means he does not need it now? 

Hoseok’s eyes open slowly. It’s like watching an old movie waiting for the action scenes to kick in, being half bored on the one hand while the other is still listing things it enjoys. 

“Changkyun,” Hoseok says gently like he's not sure if his words will get through to the man in question if he doesn't put it as gentle and kind as he can. Hoseok sits up and grabs his elbow before he can escape the bed and yanks him back down into a warm and tender embrace, “I’m glad we had this conversation, but where do you think you’re going? Let’s go back to sleep now. Sleep makes you look happy. I want you to be happy.”

Changkyun sighs and the hot air brushes back into his face from the chest he’s going to learn to get used to since he spends so much time pressed against it. 

Hoseok must be a wizard with words because before Changkyun’s brain catches up from its petty anger, he’s already drifted off to sleep.

******

“I CAN beat his ass.” Kihyun declares loudly, slamming his Starbucks cup down on the table. “I took self-defense classes when I was fifteen!”

Changkyun ducks his head and apologizes to a couple of school girls sitting nearby, they have been watching on in horror as Kihyun continuously jabs the single visible hickey on Changkyun’s neck like if he pokes it enough it’ll disappear.

“Don’t tell me he just casually strolled into your house past midnight, gave you a hickey, and then fell asleep! Nobody does that!”

“Please stop yelling! That’s all that happened. I’m telling you he was-”

“People that just want to get to know you don’t show up at your place after midnight and give you hickeys, Kyunnie. That’s not how it goes! I’m not a fool. I’ve done that sorta stuff before too!” Kihyun squints angrily at Changkyun, trying to pinpoint what exactly is making him so angry to begin with. Changkyun’s an adult, he’s only a few months younger than KIhyun and he has a successful career laid out for himself. It’s not like he’s recklessly out there getting STDs or making babies. So why is Kihyun so angry in the first place?

Changkyun’s lip quivers a little bit and his eyes are misty, and his voice cracks in the slightest when he says, “I think I like him. Like, not how I liked Hyunwoo in high school. I mean he’s so nice and he treats me like I’m precious, I don’t know how to behave anymore, and I’m scared he doesn’t even like me back,” and that’s when Kihyun realizes why he’s so angry at that moment. 

He grabs both of Changkyun’s shoulders and shakes him violently. “Stop being so innocent and cute! That’s why it’s so hard for me to let you go out into the real world!”

“I’m not being cute.” Changkyun whimpers, sniffs, then he covers his eyes shyly with the sleeves of his dress shirt. “Or innocent. Hoseok made me feel things. I mean things- everywhere. My whole body felt like it was on fire.”

“Oh really? Like it was on fire? We can arrange that.” Kihyun grumbles before resuming to scroll through a line of texts Minhyuk sent him just this morning. He sighs. He studies Changkyun once again, trying to focus on every little change in the other man's face.

It’s true that knowing someone for seven years kind of gives you an entirely new sense when something is different about them. Changkyun is always fidgety and soft-spoken. 

His usually bright excited eyes are always blank while he looks fixedly at the ceiling in thought. 

He pours his milk before his cereal, conditions before he shampoos, sometimes he puts vending-machine rice Krispies in the microwave in their foil packaging and almost kills everyone in the vicinity. 

And sometimes, it’s just the way he excitedly dances in his seat when the barista at Starbucks makes his drink just the perfect way he imagined it to be in his head. 

Sometimes when he speaks he stutters and he’s bad at keeping up with a conversation if it’s not something he wants to talk about. 

Kihyun knows him better than anyone after all, so he knows what the painful look of confusion on Changkyun’s face means when he’s trying hard to think about why Hoseok makes him so happy in the first place. Changkyun doesn’t even know what it feels like to get out of the crushing stage. So all of this is a new and dangerous territory. 

It’s all in the way he says Hoseok’s name like it’s something he’s wishing to Santa he’ll receive for Christmas, the way he maintains eye contact and his lips tug up into that little smile. That what has changed is not one little thing, it’s everything. Changkyun isn’t a kid anymore, he wants someone in a way that Kihyun can’t be angry with. He wants to try being in love, and even if it fails, KIhyun has to stand behind him now no matter the outcome.

Kihyun is resigned to one last option. Changkyun is his baby, after all, and the only way he’s willing to give his innocent child to any man is if he meets him first. 

“I should meet him if he makes you so happy. Text him and tell him that we’ll have lunch on Thursday. At my place, so he doesn’t have to worry too much about anyone recognizing him or something. Okay?” Kihyun wags his pinky around in the air and Changkyun lets out a giggle before looping fingers and nodding. 

“Okay.” Changkyun nods. “I’ll tell him today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this!!!!! I tried to stick to 3.5k with this one, less commitment to reading so it's easier to finish in one go, right? it could fare better with a bit of editing too.
> 
> this author loves all of her readers<3I hope to see you guys again real soon!!!! :)


	5. FREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is an add-on of the last one. I decided to leave something sweet and simple since I keep promising smut but I keep failing. just a little 1ker to set the mood.

 

Hoseok’s teeth on Changkyun’s skin are not a little or temporary thing. And they’re still pressed against the wall in the foyer when it starts. When Hoseok pulls away from the hot sweaty kiss to leave a mess of little bite marks along Changkyun’s neck, after each nip he licks a trail over it with his tongue and then continues going, covering Changkyun with marks. With memories.

His fingers are stuck between the nape of Changkyun’s neck and the curve of his hips because he’s hesitant about going too far but he doesn’t want to stop. Not now. Not if Changkyun wants to keep going. And the boy is very vocal, Hoseok likes the little pants and mewls leaving those puffy sore lips he’s suddenly addicted to, and he continues doing more of whatever produces those sounds. 

Changkyun is truly a new experience for him; he gets carried away quite a bit, but the love bites won’t show themselves until it’s much too late for him to realize so he keeps moving over delicate collar bones and the space between.

There’s not enough time to process the moment Changkyun pushes them apart and throws a cautious glance down the hall at an ajar room door. His eyes stick to that spot like glue, so that by the time Hoseok catches on to what he’s staring at, it startles him. “Come on. To my room.” Changkyun is a soft yet rough speaking man, so hearing him mumble this sets all types of magical fires off in Hoseok’s body and he immediately complies. In fact, he almost knocks Changkyun over from sticking so close to his body as they walk, to a completely different room no doubt, but he doesn't question it.

Whatever the outcome of them moving to Changkyun’s room should be, the seeds of his labors bear fruit and Changkyun’s a lot less shy the moment the door closes. Hoseok wishes he’d cleaned his ears today, because the first time Changkyun moans his name around biting his own lip bloody he loses it, pressing the smaller body into the mattress even more. “Hoseok...nngh that’s- it feels so good.”

“I don’t think you should trust me this much...” Hoseok admits sheepishly, knowing that someone as soft and cute as Changkyun isn’t gonna understand anyway he continues kissing the boy like his life depends on it and slips his tongue right over where Changkyun’s teeth have been continuously abusing his lip in an attempt to muffle his sexy affected voice. 

Hoseok licks over it twice, like a dog trying to heal a wound. And then he dips back down and alternates between biting over Changkyun’s shirt and stretching the fabric slightly so that he has more skin to cover in droopy kisses. Not-so-secretly enjoys the way Changkyun’s smooth vanilla skin sighs under his touch, how it gives way when his teeth sink in and when he pulls off with a nick popping sound there’s a red swelling indent that reminds him of the taste.

It’s not anything special. Changkyun has just showered from the looks of his drippy bangs; it’s fresh and soapy, but Hoseok’s body wants what it wants and the taste of clean skin just so happens to be that. He knows Changkyun can feel it too, by now. How his hips have started rocking on their own and that firm outline in his jeans is either his smartphone or his boner, but no one will ever know which one stands out the most in the heat of the moment.

No one except for Changkyun, who of course has turned red with fever upon realizing exactly what’s going on. “Ah… Ho-... This- your pho?” Hoseok silences him with a kiss. The sounds he’s making are already too good, if he even attempts to talk it just gets worse because every word blurs between stupid sexy or just plain out indecipherable. Hoseok doesn’t care. 

He kisses Changkyun for as long as his lungs can supply and when he pulls away his lips are sore and splitting, and his chest collides into Changkyun’s. Damn this scenario. They’re both equally affected. Hoseok’s body never shies away from mutual attraction. Down boy. Down!

His hands seek the hem of Changkyun’s shirt and he goes to lift it up, just as he’s getting ready to feast his eyes on whatever naked flesh is underneath all of that clothing his phone vibrates in his back pocket and he stills himself. Shit. Not now. 

Changkyun looks up at him with those slanted innocent eyes, wearing this look of uncertainty, tainted, worry. His voice shakes a little when he asks, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Yeah. Everything’s perfect now, thanks to you.” Hoseok idles over Changkyun and observes every facial twitch as he says this. “I’ve been sated.” he collapses into bed beside Changkyun. It’s not an extraordinarily big bed, but they fit in it together like puzzle pieces meant for each other and Changkyun lays against Hoseok’s chest like it is home. Without permission. Without thought. 

This feels amazing

Changkyun’s hands dip to the waistband of Hoseok’s jeans but he falters and pulls them up to rest in front of his face like he’s praying. This, on top of those worried eyes, makes Hoseok slowly calm down to a state of being able to look at Changkyun’s lips without feeling his body set course for ultimate doom. 

The doom is sleeping with his assistant at a time like this. No, rephrase that. Fucking his assistant senseless a night before he has to rehearse for the Chae’s annual charity fundraising event.

Hoseok relaxes significantly when Changkyun finishes praying or whatever he’s been doing with his hands clasped together like that for over two minutes now. When he looks at Hoseok is face is still flushed with fever, but he seems to be able to form normal sentences without moaning in Hoseok’s face, so that’s a start.

“You drank coffee? You taste like coffee.”

“You taste like soap,” Hoseok mumbles in response, catching on to the fact that they mean different things. “I mean your skin. You don’t want to taste my skin. I feel the booze oozing out of my pores.” 

Changkyun hums in agreement, eyes locked on Hoseok. “But I would love to taste you despite that-”

“This is turning me back on already, so I’m gonna need you to stop talking like that. Right now.” 

Changkyun props himself up on his elbows, a frown settling on his creamy smooth lips. Delicious lips. “How? I’ve never bitten anyone like this before.” he fingers over one of the bites that Hoseok has obviously sucked on too hard _purposefully._

Hoseok grabs Changkyun’s straying finger and drops it down on the mattress, holds it there, lest Changkyun realizes how many of those bites are similar to the one that he was playing with, the itchy one that’s bruising right as Hoseok’s looking at it. “Don’t worry. Not a lot of people like having these, so you’re missing nothing.”

“But it felt so good-” Changkyun starts to complain, but Hoseok shudders and pulls him into another quieting kiss. Oh god. He’s going to die tonight. Changkyun being so submissive and letting him have his way, with the kisses, the--the hickeys, the grinding into each other. Yeah. He’s not gonna live to see tomorrow. 

And if he does he’s going to have to explain to Changkyun why giving someone those types of kisses mostly suck ass the next day.

His phone vibrates again, this time slightly louder and he pulls away so that he can check the messages. Someone has been blowing him up tonight. Over the edge of the screen he can see Changkyun is still somewhat sleepily watching him, and the names that flash on the screen do very little to steal his attention from the pretty young thing splayed beautifully in front of him.

It can wait, he thinks to himself. Chae Hyungwon _and_ Minhyuk can definitely fucking wait. 

He curls an arm around Changkyun’s waist and pull their bodies flush against one another, buries his nose into Changkyun’s wet bangs, and inhales. 

This is what starting over feels like. 

And he'll be damned if anybody gets in the way of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that it's out there, please pay attention to the tags, the relationships, in this book. because it's a part of the bigger picture that I've been tip-toeing around conveying. 
> 
> thanks for reading guys! I love my handful of readers! you all rock!!  
> I promise I'll get back to frequent updates! I've just been so tired :(  
> I'm always;so;freaking;tired;now. we're coming into peak season at the airport. psa: please guys stop traveling ok. thanx. <3


End file.
